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Divorced father is encouraging our son to inappropriate activities: how do I deal with this?
My son's father is a cocaine user and has given us many unhappy experiences over the years. We are now divorced and since then he has taken an interest in our son. Before our divorce he just led his own life and really didn't care much. Now he is encouraging my son to partake in dangerous activites (ie mini mototbike riding and go karting). Of course my son wants to do this but I am very, very uncomfortable with this as my ex husband is a drug user. I really don't want my son getting in a car with him let alone participating in these activities. Can i put my foot down and say no? My son gets a lot of money from him every week - between £10 to £30 as my ex husband sits him on a fruit machine in a club (which is supposed to be for over 18's) when my son is only almost 12. My ex husband has informed me that i can't stop my son from doing what he wants and has actively encouraged him to lie to me about things that i don't approve of. Please advise me as my ex husband says he has rights and he can do what he wants with him. I want him to prove he is drug free before I let him lose with my son. Can I do that?
I assume from your e-mail it is
not the contact between your son and his father you are against, more that you
are concerned for your son's safety when he is with his father and the
inappropriateness of some of the activities your son is allowed to participate
in while in his father's care.
I further assume you have discussed these
directly with your ex husband to no avail.
I would suggest in the first instance
instructing a solicitor to write to your ex husband setting out your concerns
and setting out your terms for contact in the future or alternatively you
could try mediation to try and resolve these issues.
As a last resort you could
make an application to the court for a defined contact order and set out to the
court your concerns and ask that these be investigated.
Although your son is
twelve and will be beginning to have a voice of his own he should not be put in
any danger, such as by being driven in a car or cared for by someone who is
under the influence of drugs. If your concerns are shared it is
possible for the court to impose conditions to the contact to ensure your
son's
safety.
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